Sunday, July 20, 2008

In Loving Memory of Nick

Goodbye for the last time, Nick.

For a long long time, I've buried memories of us together deep within somewhere in time. But upon hearing the news on Friday everything came flooding by. I began to remember very vividly a lot of things which I thought have been long forgotten. I also realized how ironic it was that exactly 7 years ago we got together - on 20 July 2001. I could never have imagined that today, 7 years later, I watched you go, saying goodbye to you for one last time. I used to send you off at the airport, wishing you a safe journey. Today, as I sent you off, I wished you a happy journey.

I'm sorry I chose to keep quiet when you asked me if we had good times together, a year after we broke up when you were back from Dublin. I'm sorry I was cold. I was bitter about it. Now I wish I could tell you - yes, our times together had been good. It's too late now to tell you that, I can only hope you somehow could hear what I have to say in my heart, from above.

All this while I did not want to forgive.. and I did not want to remember the times we had - so that it made it easier for me to forget. I regret now for not letting go of the resentment. Had I been able to do so, perhaps we could have still been friends and I could help you pull through, to be there in your darkest hours. The worst thing a person could feel is the regret you live with for not doing the things you could have done. Now I have learned to forgive, and to let go..

It was hard to believe the news, and even harder watching you go. It was painful hearing what your mum said to me, and reading the email you sent her on Mother's Day. I realized now, a little too late, how hard it was for you.. but you've bravely fought the battle. Last night, when your mum first saw me again, she hugged me tightly and asked, "Do you remember you told me once that there's a lot of potential in him?".. In between sobs I nodded and I told her I remembered. That is the truth. However there were hurdles along the way and I know the journey had been a struggle. I know you have been tough. It was just not easy. You have made your parents and family proud. Your friends are honored to have known you and to have walked the journey with you. Be assured of that.

When we broke up 7 years ago, I used to listen to this song over and over again. You liked this song too, by Skid Row - I Remember You. It feels like we've just broken up for the second time. So here it is.. in loving memory of you, Nick.

May you find peace at last, at a better place, bringing with you only happy memories. You will continue to live in my heart, just like how it will be for many others. God bless your soul..